My top 30 films - No.10

10. Monty Python And The Holy Grail (1975) - "Sets the cinema back 900 years!"
This film was made for less than a quarter of a million pounds, which is about 100 times less than a modern summer blockbuster. However, this is 100 times better and funnier than the likes of Transformers: Dark Of The Moon, Green Lantern and John Carter (OF MARS!!!). They can afford big CGI effects and 3D retro fitting. This film couldn't even afford horses. The next best thing - two coconut halves. It was the first "proper" film from perhaps the six funniest men ever. I am, of course, referring to Monty Python.
King Arthur (Graham Chapman) has returned to Britain with his loyal squire Patsy (Terry Gilliam) and is looking to recruit his Knights of the Round Table. En route he encounters constitutional peasants who say "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government", the Black Knight and a group of peasants who enjoy witch-burnings. Soon afterwards, he finds his knights - Sir Bedevere (Terry Jones), Sir Galahad the Pure (Michael Palin), Sir Lancelot the Brave (John Cleese) and Sir Robin the Not-Quite-So-Brave-as-Sir Lancelot (Eric Idle) - but they are then sent on a mission by God. The mission - to seek the Holy Grail.
This film is laugh-out-loud funny, as it would, considering that it is Monty Python. There are many amusing scenes. The beginning is memorable ecause it starts a long row about whether coconuts migrate and the differences between African and European swallows. The Black Knight scene is just amusing for the fact somebody wants to continue fighting, even though they have lost all their limbs. "It's just a flesh wound." My favourite scene of the whole film is the French taunter scene, in which the Knights of Camelot reach a castle occupied by the French. This includes the memorable insult "I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries." It features all the trademarks from Monty Python's Flying Circus, from multiple roles for the main members to the cutout animations of Terry Gilliam. Michael Palin played the most roles in the film (12 in total) and surprisingly, unlike Monty Python's Flying Circus, they had women for all but one of the female roles; the Pythons were known for playing women in their sketches. Another thing I love is the fact Monty Python take something that looks completely harmless and turn it into a killing machine. In this case, a rabbit. What is amazing is the fact they were able to shoot this film whilst Graham Chapman was suffering from alcoholism.
The low budget of this film is part of the reason it is brilliant. I have alredy mentioned the use of coconut halves as horses. Another example is the first time the audience is introduced to King Arthur and Patsy. That shot was filmed on Hampstead Heath (for those who don't know where it is, it's a busy park in London). Imagine walking your dog one morning and just seeing two men pretending to ride horses, one banging together two coconut halves. Most of the castles that appear in the film are just the same one (Doune Castle in Scotland), but filmed from different angles. Another was only 10ft tall and made of plywood, which meant it kept falling over (as seen in the trailer) The costumes were also low budget. Graham Chapman was the one person who wore genuine chain mail armour; the others apparently were made of wool. However, the film was partly funded, bizarrely, by sales of Pink Floyd's The Dark Side Of The Moon. They were fans of Monty Python at the time.
The movie is still famous today, as it has been adapted into the popular Broadway musical Spamalot. It is regarded as one of the funniest movies of all time. Very few people can easily make a successful transaction from TV to film, but Monty Python achieved this, especially with the earlier success of And Now For Something Completely Different. There are so many things to love about this film, whether it is the French Taunter, the old man from scene 24 or the Knights who say "Ni!". Sorry, I mean the Knights who say "Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm". Monty Python will always be at the height of British comedy...

My top 30 films - No.11

11. Slap Shot (1977) - "You'll see Paul Newman doing things you'd never expect him to do... saying things you'd never expect him to say!"

At the beginning of this year, there was an ice hockey movie released called Goon. I am yet to see it because there is only one thing I want to know. Is it as good as Slap Shot? The greatest hockey film ever.

The lead character in Slap Shot is Reggie Dunlop, played by Paul Newman (Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid), who is the player-coach of a minor league hockey team called the Charlestown Chiefs. The team is in dire straits, as they're on a losing streak and they're financially unstable because of the closure of the local mill. Eventually it is revealed that the Chiefs are to fold at the end of the season.To add to these problems for Reggie, he has to deal with the arrival of three new players - the Hanson brothers. He decides to initially leave them out of the team, because of their immaturity, their unreliability and "they brought their fuckin' TOYS with 'em!" He eventually gives them a chance and they turn out to be a bunch of violent thugs. Whilst he's not a great player or coach, Reggie is good at annoying the opposition. This includes sleeping with the wife of an opposing player and finding out something to use against him and trying to encourage some of his players to be more like the Hansons. He is also a bit of a conman and tries to keep up the team's spirits by inventing a conspiracy that they are going to be bought by a group of senior citizens in a retirement home in Florida. The only problem is that only the manager knows who owns the Chiefs. However, not everyone is won over by this new style of play. The Chiefs' star player Ned Braden (Michael Ontkean (Twin Peaks)) would prefer to play cleanly and is described by Reggie as being 'chickenshit'. It doesn't help that Ned is having troubles with his wife Lily, who Reggie keeps trying to advise. Of course he's an expert, considering that he and his wife have unofficially separated.

Let's just forget about the following two films. One of them had Stephen Baldwin in it. They just don't capture the same spirit of ice hockey that the original film did. When I'm playing dek hockey, we use lines from the film to motivate us, such as "Give 'em old-time hockey!" This film has such a cult status in the hockey world, it has made celebrities of the Hanson brothers. They are so recognisable and they turned down the chance to appear in their own spinoff film to concentrate on their hockey career. It's written by Nancy Dowd and is born out of the hockey experiences of her brother Ned, who plays a player called Ogie Ogilthorpe (me (look at the hair)). In fact, most of the cast had experience of playing hockey. Michael Ontkean turned down a contract offer to play for the New York Rangers. The majority of extras were also hockey player at the time, including current Anaheim Ducks coach Bruce Bourdreau.

One of the early name to play Reggie Dunlop was Al Pacino. However, he fell out with director George Roy Hill after he asked Pacino if he could skate. He considered that a "facetious" question and has admitted later than he regretted missing out on the role. Stick to playing Tony D'Amato in Any Given Sunday, Al. Paul Newman is fantastic in this role; in fact he said he had more fun making this movie than any other. George Roy Hill also directed Newman's other famous appearance, in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

If you don't know any of the rules of ice hockey, watch the opening scene of Slap Shot. That's all you need. That scene is a great way to start the film, but my favourite is the one below. It perfectly illustrates why hockey is a great. More people go to hockey games to watch the fights than stay away because of them. You can away with anything in this sport, well almost. People were critical of the film early on, calling it "foul-mouthed and unabashedly vulgar". However, after repeat viewing they grew to love the film. Gene Siskel said he regretted giving the film a mediocre when he first saw it. No offence to The Rocket, Miracle or The Mighty Ducks, but Slap Shot is the greatest hockey film ever. Barry Melrose says so and he's cool, especially when he had a mullet. Don't take mine or his word for it. You'll have to watch and see.

P.S. Buy me a soda after the game...